omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i love accidental penises.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You're a waste of cheezeits
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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