ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize