There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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