So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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