I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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