You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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