he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
