ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
