those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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