So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
