You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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