Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
