I'm so fucking centered right now
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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