So drunk, too bad you don't want this
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
