dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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