Is it normal to miss your booty call?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Green mimosas i think yes
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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