the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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