i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
