Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she looked like the before picture.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
