dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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