it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He passed out mid-signature
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
