smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i think i have two assholes
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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