so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
two words: eviction party
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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