So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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