Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
