Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
