her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize