I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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