I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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