Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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