if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My vagina is officially offended.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
