just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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