3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
