please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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