i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize