When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish you could order shots online.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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