i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
