I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
