whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
