You made me cry and you don't even care
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
