I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
