i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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