The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
