We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
