so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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