Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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