I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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