i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
