Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
