I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize