Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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