1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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