You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
