my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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