what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
