Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
