I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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