im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
