I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
