I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
