I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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