u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
birth control should be required to get into college
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
