I wish i was in the wii world.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
