Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My vagina just clenched in fear
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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