Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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