those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
