i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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