she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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