I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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