Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
