i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
