Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
