I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
NoShamevember. You game?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
