the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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