pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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