rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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