"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
