We won't sleep together?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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